It seems so long ago that I left Singapore for the land of meatballs. I left a mess behind, hoping that they wouldn't follow me to Sweden. But what I found here was a more entangled web of lies and deceit that I wove.

I never told anyone the truth. Not everything. I told people bits that I wanted them to hear, but not the full story. I guess as we grow up, things get more complicated, and we yearn to go back to the times when things were simple. I wish I could go back to the days when I could sleep at night, and not huddle up in fear that I would dream of things that I didn't want to see, even in my sleep.

I think I have alot of things I regret, and I have alot of things I wish I had done differently.

For now, I wish I didn't have to lie to the people I love. I'm afraid to tell you the truth because I'm afraid that things will never be the same again, and I am afraid that I would hurt you.

I'm so sorry. But I can't continue living like this, because its killing me inside slowly. I can only take baby steps to the truth. And I never meant for it to be like this.

Trust me. I wish I could run away from everything and start everything on a clean slate. It feels like I'm living a double life, and I don't know who I am anymore. The more I try to escape, the more my lies come back to haunt me. And I don't want stay this way. So I choose the painful way.