you know that you are preoccupied when

- you wear your clothes on wrong and don't even realise it until you are putting on new clothes
- you forget what transpired the night before
- you wake up really early and cannot go back to sleep
- you try to find something to occupy every single minute of your time

i've got a bad case of insomnia. i wake up sweating because my room faces the sun in the morning, and i desperately want to go back to sleep because i feel so tired, and the waking hours are the worst.

sometimes i really miss anais, josh and rachael because they made me happy. i think i might be reverting back to that phase i went through a few years ago, and it makes me sick just thinking about it.

but i will still wake up every morning and plaster a wide smile on my face. because that's what good actors do. being in tsd taught me to put on a mask and continue facing your inner demons until you exorcise them. i wonder how everyone is doing now. :)

a university town

the bad thing about being in a small university town is that you will always bump into someone that you are avoiding in town. and the more you wish to avoid a certain person, the more times you will bump into her/him.

i hate feeling so ambivalent about things.

Avenue Q - It Sucks to be me

This best defines my life, right here right now.

Damn fucking it.

since i got back from kiruna, i've been having between 4-6 hours of sleep a day.

and today, i woke up at 7 to read the fucking case before my tutorial at 9.

i think it's really killing me. the only good thing i can think of, is that i'm beginning to lose my appetite.

This week is hell. I have class every single day at 9am in the fucking morning.

But on a sidenote, it feels good to be able to tell whisper all your secrets to your friend, knowing that he/she won't judge you. Because they understand that (1) shit happens (2) sometimes there are things that cannot be controlled (3) sometimes things spiral out of control and (4) there is always a right time to tell secrets, and if you give it away too early in the game you will risk jinxing everything.

I am dying. I have another 150 pages to go, and 34 pages of a case to read. It's going to be a really long night.

karma really is a fucking little bitch that will bite you right in the ass when you are least aware.

perhaps if you hurt yourself enough times you will be immune to the pain. but somehow, like the little masochists (thanks, M!) that we are, we always come running back for more.

i don't think i know how to place these emotions anymore. there are times when you feel like giving up, and then there are these times when you feel so fucking stubborn that you want to hold on to that one little thing that keeps you going, unfortunately, it's already slipping out of your grasp.

i think for me, at least, the chicken has flown the coop. and all it takes, ladies and gentlemen, are five stupid words. remember that, you fucking little bitch.

To 5 years of friendship

Happy Birthday Hongda, Happy Birthday Yinwei, Happy Birthday Bang!

Here's to 5 years of friendship - sleep overs at Li Yun's house, mahjong at Hongda's house, watching movies at PS and cycling at ECP.

I remember the time when we were fresh eyed exchange students at 和平高中 and we met each other for 麻辣火锅 in 西门町. Later on Hongda and Sam told me that I looked so quiet and demure sitting at the table introducing ourselves, but the moment I opened my mouth their nice impression of me was shattered.

But somehow, the seven or eight of us have stuck it out for 5 years, and we still meet up once a month to have the occasional game of mahjong at Hongda's house, albeit with the usual occurrence of Hongda gaming with 12 or 13 tiles.

I miss you guys! Here are some pictures over the years:


Bang with his birthday present last year. Act cool!

Bang likes his food!

I wonder who was taking this photo.

Happy family.

Li Yun isn't ready, and Ruth didn't act cute.

Damn gay.


Clueless men.

A photo with all of us.

At Ruth's 21st.

The handsome guys.

I miss you all.